The real world
I love to lean on my french balcony’s handrail and look at the world.
It looks busy, loud, pretentious. People sitting together, chatting, laughing. A part of me is sad that I’m not part of it, and another is glad I’m not. Looking outside from the inside is something I enjoy. In some kind, I can be a part of everything without anyone knowing about it. People so rarely look upwards.
“How often I stood naked in the open doors and never caught someone’s gaze.
Of course, I can’t be sure. Once I saw a naked girl sitting by the window, picking her eyebrows. I was captured by her beauty. She was bold and didn’t look naked at all. Just real and authentic. In all the years I’m living here, I never saw her again. Surely, I’ll never know, if someone noticed me, letting the wind strike my nudity.
Maybe having the freedom to stand naked on my french balcony is the most beautiful metaphor for why I love this so much.
When I go outside, for being amongst people, I have to get dressed. I must choose clothes, some that wrap my today’s expression I feel ready to show to the world. And I’m going to be seen. People don’t need to look upwards, no, I come to them, mix myself into this merge of reality and fake, unable to sort it out. And being sorted as well. Look at her, does she live here? Why is she dressed so lightly, isn’t she cold? From where is she, is she german? Is she rich, is she hippie, is she married?
When I moved to Berlin I thought no one gives a fuck, but that’s not even true, not even in this sophisticated metropole. People actually give a lot of fucks, but they pretend not to. A thing I managed to see through after the years I’ve been here. People are lonely, people wanna be noticed, and attention exists often only to attract attention in return.
Standing on my balcony is so beautifully calm and relaxed.
It’s ease and pleasure. I’m just one of the people living behind one of those many windows. across from the eyebrow picking, bold beauty, or maybe not anymore. Who cares. Nobody. When I’m on my balcony, the world is real. Cause literally nobody gives a fuck.
And that’s what I love leaning on my french balcony’s handrail for.